Why Kids Need the Community of Sport

Scott McNevan

Assistant Head of School

Residential Life & Co-Curriculars

Director - Athletics

You remember it.  

It was the awful feeling that you just didn’t fit. 

It was like you were on the outside of things and no one understood. 

 
Loneliness.  

We were all there at one time or another as young people. 

Was it your first day of third grade at the new school?  You were the new kid on the playground, friend-less, and feeling as if everyone was staring at you. 

Perhaps it was in middle school.  What are these new social rules?  Why wasn’t I invited to the sleepover this time?  How come those kids are laughing over there?  Are they laughing at ME? 

Maybe it was a high school moment.  You felt adrift, without a place, without an identity.  They tell me to just ‘be myself’ but...who am I?   

For some, that lonely ‘fish out of water’ feeling is an isolated bad memory from childhood.  It lives in a back drawer of the memory bank, able to be recalled but buried under the sediment of many years.  For others, this feeling was so significant, so enduring and terrible, that it negatively shaped social and emotional development completely.  It can be the root cause of adult anxiety and present personal challenges deep into adulthood.
 

Regardless of what level or frequency of loneliness we experienced as young people, we can all agree that it was negative.  It stunted us.  It prevented us from being our best, from feeling the electricity of being plugged in to something, from feeling known. 
 

WE ARE NOT WIRED TO THRIVE ALONE  

 
We are undeniably at our best as members of a community, connected with others for support, care, health, and well-being.  Communities bring people together, often striving towards a common goal or mission.  As adults, we understand this.  We choose to join clubs, groups, and organizations of all kinds for their numerous benefits.  However, kids often lack that initiative.  Slowed by natural insecurity and doubt, they don’t always seek out community for fear of rejection.  They need the community brought to them.
 

At AOA, ‘Community’ is one of our core values.  We bring this to our students in many ways, at many levels.  The dorm is a community unique to its residents, the middle school division is a community unto itself, the ‘Star Wars Club’ that meets weekly during morning mix is a community to its members.  There are endless examples of community connection available for an AOA student. However, I’d like to highlight an offering we bring to students that has been a life-altering source of community for many young people for generations and is, I believe, more important than ever. 

The community of sport.      

 
CONNECTIVITY BREEDS CONFIDENCE 

If you were a fly on the wall of most admissions conversations with new families, at some point you would likely hear a statement like this, ‘If there is a sport that Jenny has even mild interest in, we really encourage her to give it a try here.’
 

This wise encouragement is grounded in years of successful stories.  A typical story usually goes something like this.

 
-Jenny is a new student who knows no one, is quiet, unsure, and reluctant
-Jenny joins the volleyball team
-Within one week, Jenny is known by coaches and a team of players
-After several weeks, Jenny feels connected and affiliated while walking the hallways of school
-After a month, a more confident Jenny has forged new friendships and social roots
-By season end, the volleyball team has become a community Jenny undoubtedly belongs to 

CONFIDENCE IS LIKE ‘MIRACLE-GRO’ FOR YOUNG PEOPLE 

Sport (both team and individual) instantly provides a young person with connection to a community.  Relationships naturally develop and confidence inherently grows as they share the ups and downs of a season with their teammates.  They push each other to new boundaries in practice.  They experience the thrill of victories and the agony of defeats during competition.  They laugh out loud during bus trips and share inside jokes that only the team would understand. 
 

For many individuals, sport has provided that ‘aha’ moment in their young lives.  The traction they had been lacking takes hold.  They belong to a group now.  They feel a part of something. 
 

They no longer feel alone. 
 

SPORTS ARE A SAFE HAVEN 
 

There are unspoken boundaries that all adolescents learn to understand.  For instance, you might be able to sit and socialize with Jordan in the student center after lunch.  But...you definitely cannot sit near Jordan and his friends in the hallway between 5th and 6th period.  That is a no-no.  Everyone knows that.

Cliques and exclusive social circles abound.  That group by the pool table?  All seniors.  If you’re an underclassman, you do not go over there.  Those kids sitting outside every day during lunch on the picnic tables? Lifers.  They’ve all been here since Pre-K together.
 

Social media is hard.  I want to ‘like’, ‘friend’, or ‘follow’ the right people, the cool people.  I mean...I don’t want to seem over-eager, but I do want that attention.  While I think Bernard is kind of funny, most of my friends think he’s a dork.  So, I can’t follow his posts.  It wouldn’t be good for me. 
 

These sorts of dynamics in a young person’s landscape are very real and always seem in play.  They create pressure and social obstacles that hinder community building in many circumstances.
 

Perhaps the most amazing thing about the community of sport is that it cuts through these dynamics and provides a safe bubble for young people where those unwritten rules lose their power.  Friendships form between grades, backgrounds, and socio-economic status.  Comradery develops amongst the group that can feel family-like. When you’re on the team, you can safely go where the team goes, sit where the team sits, or speak with a team member in the hallway.  
 

There is a support system within the community of sport that transcends.          
 

THE BIG PICTURE
 

Relative to our size, we offer a wide range of sports to our students at AOA each year.  There is a long list of reasons why you, as a parent, might want your child to get involved. 
 

Earn a college scholarship?  Perhaps, although the statistics are not in your favor.  (only 2% of high school students earn an athletic college scholarship each year)
 

Get exercise and stay fit?  Of course!  With obesity rates amongst young people soaring and the digital age supporting a more sedentary lifestyle than ever, this is an excellent reason. 
 

Stay out of trouble?  Sports will definitely consume a lot of your student’s time during the course of a season.  There will surely be less opportunity for shenanigans if they are practicing and competing daily. 
 

These are all standard, sound reasons to support a student’s participation in sports.  However, think even bigger!

Participating in sports is joining a community.  It is feeling known and supported. It is membership in a tribe and learning to contribute towards the common goal.  It is a breeding ground for connectivity and confidence.  It is a safe haven away from the pressures and turbulence of today’s adolescent landscape.   
 

Kids need the community of sport more than ever. 
 

Go AOA!